That thing we do…when we’re broken…


It’s been a long few months, thus the lack of recipe sharing. I have learned a few things in this time that have been helpful in working towards balancing my body, as well as a few things that haven’t been. I still have days that baffle me, where I diligently analyze every possible trigger and try to figure out where I went wrong. Even when following the protocol, my body sometimes fails to work properly. And this is why the testing continues. I’ve learned recently that food allergy and intolerance is the symptom of a bigger issue. But hopefully, precisely what that is will soon be discovered.

As I’ve learned to control most of my food triggers, I’m now learning to manage my environmental triggers. An immune system on high alert even when meticulously cared for, looks for things to attack. In my case this can be set off by anything: dusting without a mask, the air conditioning in a particular super market, or even every day stress like rushing from place to place at work. After realizing food wasn’t the only trigger I had a hard time grasping that stress could mean anything from actual stress to someone’s perfume. Since I’ve become so much calmer with the removal of my food triggers, it has also been frustrating to have a body that acts separately from my psyche. My immune system clearly needs a hobby, perhaps knitting, maybe a nice game of pinochle.

Amidst all of this controlling what I can and balancing what I cannot, I’ve begun donating most of my long, perhaps needlessly, adored belongings. I now find clutter to be overwhelming and I’ve long held on to things that I don’t have time to enjoy or wear. Having less not only challenges me to be more innovative but it frees me to dress for myself, work within limited parameters more effectively, and enjoy my time creatively. As my space clears I see with a new light the things I’ve chosen to keep. Materialism and sentimentality for me, have become a vacuous cloud of distraction. Shedding the possessions of my teens to thirties is helping to make a clear and open path towards 40. It doesn’t mean I don’t like things or appreciate having them, it just isn’t important to me any longer. Before I was comforted by things, now I am comforted by silence and empty space. Life shapes itself in a way that is far less tangible when removing distractions. I’d rather have a blank canvas, it expands time, instead of robbing me of it.

This next month may be that final revelation although I am skeptical as always. Whatever the case, it’s another line to cross off on the seemingly endless list of causes.


One comment

  1. Great insight, thanks!

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